My walk with God had always been a bumpy one. I didn't really know God—I had been an agnostic for much of my life, feeling uncertain what to believe.
Back in 2015 that all changed, but that's a story for a different time. The reason I bring it up though, is I feel it's important to point out that I'm not a lifelong prayer warrior or someone special, I'm just an autistic, logic-minded person.
Prayer was always awkward for me and it wasn't until much later in life that I began to understand that prayer is not about repetition or what words to say to try to get what you want—it is about building a relationship with God, communicating with Him as we would our best friend.
This is a private story, one that I haven't really shared in a lot of detail with anyone, but it's one that I think is worth sharing. I supposed because I feel like there are those out there feeling like they will always be alone because they haven't found the right person. Perhaps my story will give them some hope.
So with that said, I'll get on with the story...
Before I met my husband, I had been through some rough relationships. All of which, obviously, hadn't worked out. The most recent one had me crushed, as I had truly fallen for that person and no matter how hard I tried, I could not fix that relationship.
It left me quite a mess. I tried to move on and had found a couple of interesting guys online that I had talked to for a while, but those quickly fell apart. In the back of my mind though, I had a hidden hope that maybe, just maybe, one day, that old relationship could be restored.
Then the day came that my hopes were finally crushed to oblivion and I finally let it go, but I couldn't let it go though without God's help.
I took my tears and pain to God—the only one in the whole universe that could understand. I begged and pleaded for relief from the heartbreak. I talked to God about my attempts to find someone and how it wasn't working out, that it seemed no one in the world was a good fit for me.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but right after that, I had a very strong feeling that the right person for me was not from here (here being the USA), he was from the other side of the world, potentially from Asia. I felt that this was perhaps God's response, as it happened while praying.
I responded to God and my conversation with Him went kind of like this... "Lord, if the right man for me is from the other side of the world, you know I can't just pack up and leave to go find him. You're going to have to bring him to me. I'm going to put my trust in You that You can make that happen. I know that You know who he is and where he is, and that You can bring him to me and arrange everything. I'm going to trust that You will make it happen, if that is indeed what Your will is."
A couple of weeks passed by and I came across the man that would later become my husband on a dating site. His profile was so sparse and his bio so vague, I couldn't tell much of anything about him. I had no idea if he would even like someone like me. He was located about an hour from where I was living at the time.
I wasn't focusing on any particular race, I was just looking for guys within a reasonable distance and considering various factors based on their profile to determine compatibility. I also tried to trust my gut feeling.
I felt it was especially important not to be biased towards a particular race, considering the conversation with God, because if I was wrong about it, then it would mean that I was potentially shutting out the right guy.
So there I was, looking at this guy's profile trying to determine if this guy might be compatible. I decided to give it a go. I liked his profile and we started messaging each other.
Before I found him, I had been conversing with around a dozen guys from the dating site that had taken interest in me, and that number dwindled down to around 6 or so, but none of them interested me as much as this man.
Whenever I'd get a reply from him, I found myself getting excited and smiling uncontrollably, which was quite embarrassing at times, because there were days I was at the busy laundromat with a big smile on my face staring at my phone, frequently checking it, hoping to get another message from him.
The more we talked I found out he was from China and he has been in the US for around 10 years. After messaging for a while, we decided to meet in person. After that, we started seeing each other regularly.
The whole time, I pleaded with God for things to work out. I felt like this was the guy I was searching for. I just knew it. It seemed so crazy, yet so right. One of the amazing things about him, was the respect he had for my beliefs. He was truly unlike anyone I had ever met before.
One night we had a discussion over the phone. He explained that he might have to leave the country and return to China or go elsewhere, then he would return after a year or so. He said that I could visit him wherever he might have to go. I wasn't sure how that would work, given my situation, but I prayed and trusted God that somehow things would work out, even if it meant I would have to wait for him to return. As it turned out, he didn't have to leave and we got married in July of 2020.
We've been married for nearly a year now and I thank God for giving me such a wonderful husband. He's cute, smart, caring, gentle, patient, and honest. When I look at him, it's like wow! There's no one else in the world I'd rather be with.
Since that prayer, I've wondered, was it just a coincidence? Am I crazy? Was this really God's will or my own? I'm a skeptic by nature, always questioning everything.
A lot of relationships don't work as well as ours, and most relationships fall apart within 6 months to a year. Most couples fight, get tired of each other, and grow distant over time. This is the typical pattern of human behavior.
Perhaps one of the biggest factors in this was that I determined that I was going to try to do things God's way from the very start of the relationship, for I know how things turn out if I don't and I didn't want to experience that pain again.
I also felt very strongly that if I didn't do things God's way, that it would fall apart. I was also under a lot of pressure from family and friends.
While talking with God about the relationship, long before we got married, I had a very strong feeling that if I want to keep this relationship, I have to keep close to God and keep doing things God's way.
For me, after the experiences I've had, I have to say that God's ways are indeed the best way. I'm not perfect and there are always times I mess up, and God knows that.
If you are longing to meet the right person, give everything to God and talk to Him, trust in His ways and His timing, and follow His leading. He knows what He's doing, far better than we do. Do what is right and resist temptation.